Conspiracy Theories, part 2
The government is sprinkling
John Wayne's ashes into the water
to make patriotic fighting men
of America's tap-drinking lower class.
A pinch of Ronald Reagan
for good measure.
Heidi Montag's breast implants
are one-eighth pure eagle's blood,
but that's really another story.
7-11 gasoline is cut with a chemical
that stimulates the brain to crave
hot dogs and taquitos.
If that isn't true now,
it will be soon enough.
Oscar Mayer trolls the blogosphere
for ideas like that.
The next best selling celebrity autobiography
will be by that piano-playing cat on YouTube.
Chapter 9 will be an elaborate acrostic
subliminally supporting Michael Vick's
dog fighting racket.
In 2044, the United States will elect
its first official clone as President.
He was created, born, and raised
in a laboratory under a dairy farm
in Kansas, 2008.
He looks just like Yao Ming.
Old timers will say
that kid's a tall
drink of water.